Adulting

 There is a story dying to be known.I can feel her everyday, I feel her when I am about to fall into the silence of sleep at night and in the mornings when my subconscious is up before I am . I feel her sometimes when i do my chores, working in the kitchen or folding laundry. I know she is  there, like a spirit looming, i know she is trying to be known. She trying to create an identity, i can feel it. I sometimes can read her in my dreams.  I still struggle and wiggle to find her, look for her from the corner of my eyes, as she prances around in my house, I will catch her one day, hold her hand as she gleefully looks at me and I will know all about her, like I know she knows all of me.  Until then, I know I should take guidance from many before me who have managed to find their stories.I should read more cause reading is probably the only way this story will get wings. She is pleading, almost begging me to read more so she has a chance to live, so she can change...

It is your 36th birthday. 36, not a number of any consequence. It does not make one question ones life choices as much as one does on their 30th nor does it make one feel as old as one does on the 35th. It is one of those birthdays, that come and go, one of the birthdays which will probably not be remembered. It is a day in ones life, another day of existence and, well, household chores, if you are a woman.  If 35 was the year of urgency, 36 is the year of calm I think. Most Indian parents and peers have given up on you. No one is forcing you to get married or have kids anymore. No one, including probably you,  expects you to do anything drastically different in your career or with your life.  If you haven't achieved it by now or started on a different path already, no one expects you to take it now or even believes that you will.  You do mourn, like on each birthday, you mourn over what this year could've been, what life could've been. But the mourning itself is per...